One of those days...

I am having a trying day today...
One of those days where you question your ability as a mom.
(I think every parent knows what I am talking about.)
Being a mother brings all of your
weaknesses right out front... center stage... in the spot light.
I guess this is when we are suppose to turn them into strengths...?
Sometimes you wonder who entrusted you with this perfect little being?
(Obviously someone who knows all of our greatness and strengths...)
I think about how I wanted this for Y.E.A.R.S.! But on days like this, living each moment with a toddler, a highly demanding, screaming, tantrum throwing toddler, is anything but easy. I am trying to be more understanding and patient and easy going. I am trying hard, but feeling like it isn't enough and trying not to be too hard on myself in the process.
Because this is what it is...

a learning process.
And hopefully when it is all said and done I can be thankful for all of the many trials because of the strength it gave me in the end.

Over the last year or so I have read different friends blogs who have wrote about their trials and different times I have been humbled, comforted, taught a lesson or could relate. I am thankful to them, those who aren't afraid to show their weakness, so I know I am not alone.
I hope what I have gone through, will go through and will write about will help the people I love to get through whatever trials lay ahead, because like I said, it's all just a learning process...

Our California Adventures!

Here are the pictures from our trip to California for Thanksgiving!

The day after we got there we went to Huntington Beach! It was a chilly day, but nice enough for shorts! We ate at our favorite place, TK Burger!

Cohen didn't know what to think of the crashing waves and breeze on his face! He had had it after about a minute!
But once he discovered the SAND, he was so excited to play!

Building Cohen's first sandcastle!

My California boy!We knew it was time to go when Cohen was clinging to Scott and wouldn't let go because his feet were too frozen from the cold water and cool air!

One morning, a couple days later, three of Michelle's girls joined Cohen and Scott in on our bed for story time! I thought it was really cute, until Cohen got jealous and laid on Scott to shield him. He didn't want to share his daddy! I don't blame him. :)

We went to Disneyland!
In this pic I am just trying to keep a hold of Cohen while we waited in line. He actually did really well and we didn't have too many long lines.

Our group was all able to fit on one boat for It's A Small World!
Scott's three sisters, Stephanie, Tracy and Michelle, Michelle's husband Joe, the girls are Michelle's and the boys are Steph's.

These next couple pictures make me laugh! We were on It's A Small World and Cohen looks pretty worried about our surroundings!

Just monkeyin' around!

Cohen didn't seem to know what to think!

Cohen sat with Tracy on the Jungle Safari!

Tracy was so much help to all of us throughout the day! There were 9 adults and 9 kids, even though the numbers were even, it didn't feel that way!

He was so excited about all the animals!

Cohen was so exhausted from the day that he looked asleep, but was just totally zoned!
I love Disneyland! We had so much fun, it was my favorite day! Cohen did really well on all of the rides, even the sudden drop in Pirates of the Caribbean! My favorite ride is Indiana Jones and Scott loved them all! I wanted to go everyday we were there!

The next morning he had recovered and was ready for another day of fun!

The day before we left we went down to San Marcos, where Stephanie (Scott's sister) and Mike live, and went to the beach. It was a beautiful day, couldn't have asked for better weather! We really loved the area as well! It was really nice.
Cohen just playing with his Daddy!

Cohen just loved the beach, he was so happy there!

Boogie boarding babe!

Playin' a little soccer!Scott and Joe were CRAZY and went swimming!

Reflecting...

I took the pictures!

All the kids got together and made this huge sandcastle!

Cohen loved his juice box!

We had a bonfire on the beach and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows for dinner! So fun! Although, Cohen kept running off, so I didn't sit by the fire much!

There is nothing like watching the sun set on the ocean...

Here is a video of me following Cohen around at the beach!

Scott just got back from Dallas, Texas!

Down town Dallas and Six Flags! (Neither of which he got a chance to go to! Just drive by...)

Scott went down to Texas to help out a friend by installing security systems. He has been gone since Thursday. Cohen and I have really missed him and are so happy he FINALLY came home. It felt like an eternity! Scott didn't get a single picture of himself while he was there, silly husband! But he did take quite a few pictures of random streets to satisfy my curiosity! No mountains, no beach... I think I will pass.
He was so busy that he hardly slept! In fact, last night he didn't sleep at all. Both my boys are taking naps and I think I will join them. Good bye for now!

I am a Facebooker!

So I gave in and signed up on Facebook! I already have a myspace page and this blog and a toddler and two dogs and a husband and many other things that keep me hopping, but I decided, why not add one more thing to take up my time! And that is just what is it, a time sucker! It is fun though! I have enjoyed catching up with old friends from junior high and high school. It is weird to think back to those days! Boy, if I could do it over....
Anyway! If you are on Facebook and we aren't friends yet, I wanna be your friend! If you don't have a Facebook account, jump on it!!!

I am having a Scentsy Party!

All friends and family and their friends and family are invited to experience Scentsy!
When: Tuesday, Dec. 9th
6:30 - 8:30
Where: My mom's home
62 west 940 north Orem
Why: Because the warmers and leadless, wickless candles are freakin awesome and smell WONDERFUL! They have so many to choose from! Plus, they make perfect Christmas and other holiday gifts!
I am so excited about their new plug ins!

If you would like your house full of yummy fragrance without the risk of fire and minus the danger to children (the wax doesn't get hot enough to burn, Cohen has touched it) then you will love Scentsy!

Ok, enough on selling the product... once you smell them, they really sell themselves!
I really want to help out my friend who just became a cosultant and I really want to see all my friends so I am hoping whoever can make it will stop by to at least say HI!

Hope to see ya then! Please RSVP if possible.

Also if you are interested, but can't make it to the party you can also buy online at www.scentsy.com/ashleyd

Happy Thanksgiving!

Warm California wishes for the holidays!

Green Family
Tracy, ME, SCOTT, COHEN, Andrew, Nate, Mom and Dad, Kya, Mia, Michelle with Jada, Joe "Cool", Zoe, Stephanie with Jimmy and Mike with William!

We have been in southern California for the past week spending time with all of Scott's family! We have had so much fun going to the beach, DISNEYLAND, seeing Twilight (FINALLY!), shopping, Tracy did my hair (YEAH!) and most of all being thankful for family and having fun together! We have all been staying in one house so the chaos is, well highly chaotic!
More pictures to come...

Follow up doctors appointment....

I just got back from my follow up appointment with my doctor (as the title would give away). I am feeling so sad, I just don't know where to go from here...

He gave me comfort through his empathetic smile and body language, but nothing he said could help because he just doesn't know why or what we can do. He didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. He said where each of my 5 miscarriages have been so early, statistically it would be chromosome abnormalities. Once we saw the heartbeat we should have been good from there. They would worry about my progesterone if I had been further along or they would test for a blood clotting disorder, but generally that is for second trimester losses. But again, it has just been so early...
I had him order several blood tests for me for a new place I am going to go to. My mom has referred a lot of clients to a natural hormone replacement center called Wellnique. They also help men, women and children with everything you can imagine with homeopathics and herbs. My sister-in-law Michelle also told me she has heard they have helped many, many women who can't get pregnant to conceive so I am hoping they can help me stay pregnant since we have been lucky these last few times to conceive so quickly. Before these last two miscarriages, I use to be more afraid of it taking us a long time than I was about miscarrying since it took us a year inbetween our first and second miscarriages. Now I am just really scared about getting pregnant again. I want to try again, but I feel like we are playing Russian Roulette with a bullet in every spot but one instead of only one bullet total.
I know we will move forward from here because our desire and hope is still stronger than our fear and weakness, I just pray it doesn't come to a day where we are too weak and beaten down to continue. That we stop trying to have children by choice because we are done and not because we can no longer hope.