I just got back from my follow up appointment with my doctor (as the title would give away). I am feeling so sad, I just don't know where to go from here...
He gave me comfort through his empathetic smile and body language, but nothing he said could help because he just doesn't know why or what we can do. He didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. He said where each of my 5 miscarriages have been so early, statistically it would be chromosome abnormalities. Once we saw the heartbeat we should have been good from there. They would worry about my progesterone if I had been further along or they would test for a blood clotting disorder, but generally that is for second trimester losses. But again, it has just been so early...
I had him order several blood tests for me for a new place I am going to go to. My mom has referred a lot of clients to a natural hormone replacement center called Wellnique. They also help men, women and children with everything you can imagine with homeopathics and herbs. My sister-in-law Michelle also told me she has heard they have helped many, many women who can't get pregnant to conceive so I am hoping they can help me stay pregnant since we have been lucky these last few times to conceive so quickly. Before these last two miscarriages, I use to be more afraid of it taking us a long time than I was about miscarrying since it took us a year inbetween our first and second miscarriages. Now I am just really scared about getting pregnant again. I want to try again, but I feel like we are playing Russian Roulette with a bullet in every spot but one instead of only one bullet total.
I know we will move forward from here because our desire and hope is still stronger than our fear and weakness, I just pray it doesn't come to a day where we are too weak and beaten down to continue. That we stop trying to have children by choice because we are done and not because we can no longer hope.
I had him order several blood tests for me for a new place I am going to go to. My mom has referred a lot of clients to a natural hormone replacement center called Wellnique. They also help men, women and children with everything you can imagine with homeopathics and herbs. My sister-in-law Michelle also told me she has heard they have helped many, many women who can't get pregnant to conceive so I am hoping they can help me stay pregnant since we have been lucky these last few times to conceive so quickly. Before these last two miscarriages, I use to be more afraid of it taking us a long time than I was about miscarrying since it took us a year inbetween our first and second miscarriages. Now I am just really scared about getting pregnant again. I want to try again, but I feel like we are playing Russian Roulette with a bullet in every spot but one instead of only one bullet total.
I know we will move forward from here because our desire and hope is still stronger than our fear and weakness, I just pray it doesn't come to a day where we are too weak and beaten down to continue. That we stop trying to have children by choice because we are done and not because we can no longer hope.
5 comments:
I am sure you remember Jolynne. She is pregnant and has had a few miscarriages. WIth this one they brought her in at 6 weeks and tested all her blood levels and her hormones weren't normal. I am sure your doctors are awesome, but could that be causing an early prgnancy miscarriage with you as well or have they already checked that?
This was a neat post to read. I am SO glad to hear you both have so much HOPE!! I love you! Good luck with everything!!
I have had blood tests when I first get pregnant each time and my progesterone has looked great with these last two and previous pregnancies. That is why he didn't think it would be my progesterone because we had checked it. But we will see what these new blood tests show...
Thanks for your support and advice Coley (and Kayci)!
ughhhh! patience is a VIRTUE. in some ways I don't want you to have any kids yet...i want you to have them when i have them so they can play together...haha
Oh Alicia- you must be sent on this earth to connect with people through your beautiful and heartfelt words. Heavenly Father is SO aware of you and I just know that! It is so hard to understand all of the pain that each of us go through- just know we love and pray for you often! It makes loving the little ones we have that much more special!
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