Updated! Finally!

I am not generally this lazy about updating our blog! I am so far behind! I have a 12, 13 and 14 month newsletter to write for Cohen that has been haunting me each month that passes. Hopefully I will get to that soon, but for now I wanted to give a "brief" (or I guess my version of brief) update on our current doctors appointment.
We met with my doctor a couple weeks ago and he still didn't have much insight for us. We discussed a theory I had and a couple other questions, but when it came down to it he felt that we have done everything we can, but he said he would double check with the specialist he knows about our specific situation. I was at peace with not doing any further testing because in most cases even if we figured it out, which would be unlikely, we wouldn't be able to do anything about it. When I talked to his nurse a couple weeks later she gave me some information to refer us to the specialist he spoke with. My doctor was out of the office so I am unsure why he thinks it will be worth our time and money to go see this specialist when he had said differently before. So I called and made an appointment for now with the specialist, who is in Centerville, and my appointment is at the end of October. That will give me time to talk to my doctor about the specifics when he is back in the office and to figure out if this is the path I want to go. It almost feels like opening a can of worms because I highly doubt anything will be figured out and I don't know if I want to put myself through more testing, hoping, the unknown, etc. I am leaning towards canceling the appointment, moving forward, keep trying and hope for the best. Thanks so much to everyone who commented, for your thoughts, prayers and support! It means the world to us and it REALLY helps!!! We love you!

Another reason I have been lazy about my blog updating is because I have been engrossed in the fourth book of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, Breaking Dawn (who hasn't been reading it?)! I had a hard time putting it down! I made the 750+ page book drag on as long as possible, but I still finished it within one week. I was trying to be disciplined about it and clean and take care of Cohen and Scott BEFORE picking up the book each day so some days I only got to read a chapter. Anyway, I really loved it and I want MORE! I hate how the last page says THE END! :)

A couple weeks ago we took Cohen on his first camping trip up to Provo Canyon! We had so much fun and Cohen did a lot better than we thought he would! Here is our awesome camping sight. (Cohen looks so small!)You give this kid a stick and some dirt and he plays longer than he does with any toy money can buy!
We made delicious tin foil dinners and dutch over peach cobbler with raspberries and ice cream! Oh, YUMMY!!! This is why I love camping... I didn't get a picture of the dinners because I ate it before I could think about anything else. (My mom, my step dad Kay and my nephew Kaden came up for dinner and hung out with us for a couple hours as well. It was so fun having them hang out with us for a while!)
Hanging around the fire roasting marshmallows!It was freezing the next morning so we bundled up Cohen with many layers! Look at those CHEEKS! Squeeze!Scott did one of the many things he does best and made a killer breakfast! Pancakes, eggs, bacon and fruit.I love camping and we hope to go again before it is too cold! It seems like fall is already sneaking up!!!

Another War Wound in the Battle of Pregnancy...

June 27th

When I told Scott the news, we were cuddling on top of our roof enjoying a "date" night after Cohen had gone to sleep. I asked him to pick out a star for me and continued with the rest of our family. One for Cohen, one for Izzy, one for Lilly, one for himself... and one for the baby in my tummy! (Cheesy, but he was completely surprised, in disbelief and he loved it!)

We were both very surprised, but extremely relieved with how quickly I became pregnant and excited, SO EXCITED! I was really early, only 3 to 4 weeks pregnant, but I had already had a blood test to have my progesterone level checked and things were looking good. Since we didn't know why we had miscarried the 3 pregnancies before Cohen, as a precaution I had also already been taking baby aspirin to help prevent blood clots.

The weeks passed and I grew more tired and felt nauseous and had to pee a couple times a night. We were being cautiously optimistic and I had started to let my guard down. The new baby would be due in the beginning of March and I was looking forward to our dating ultrasound on the 14th of July. I would be about 6-7 weeks then...

July 13th

When someone is trying to conceive or is pregnant, the last color they ever want to see is the dark crimson color of blood...
The spotting started out pink.
I tried my best not to worry, but the huge knot deep in my gut made it hard for me to breath. I forced myself to go to sleep anyway, in hopes that the reality of what could be would be lost in my nightmares.

July 14th

I awoke early, before Cohen and knew it wasn't just a nightmare. What was pink the night before was now deep red, but there wasn't very much. It even stopped for a while. I still had hope... I was starting to cramp, but I pushed that out of my mind.
We went in for the ultrasound at noon. Right away we could see a small yolk sack in the center of my uterus.
Hope...
Yet there was no flutter of a tiny heart beating on the screen like I knew there should be, like we saw with our third pregnancy and with our little miracle, Cohen.
The technician said the baby was measuring only 4 weeks. It didn't add up... I should be further along... she said she had seen stranger things.
They sent me down to get a blood test since they couldn't find answers through the ultrasound. They told me to repeat the test in 48 hours to see what the HCG (pregnancy hormone) level was doing. If it kept doubling that would be a good sign. If it went down, then I was miscarrying again.
On the way home from the doctors office the cramping became worse. I was in a lot of pain and didn't have hope anymore. I had been through this before... too many times before. Hadn't I already learned this lesson? I thought we were past this. I thought once my body figured out one pregnancy we wouldn't have any problems...
I went into the bathroom and was extremely saddened to see the huge piece of tissue/blood clot that had come along with the cramping. Another sign pointing toward miscarriage.
I took some pain meds and climbed into bed to try and sleep for a couple hours.
Later that night I passed what I think was the sack we saw in the ultrasound...

I am going for the second blood test tomorrow, but I don't really see any point in it. I guess it will just confirm what I already unfortunately know. Before, I would have tried to talk myself into believing that there is still a possibility, but now I know it is better to accept the reality as soon as possible.
The nurse said they will probably be referring us to another specialist at the University of Utah. We have already seen two specialists for recurrent miscarriages (only about 1% of women experience recurrent miscarriage) before this pregnancy so I am hoping they have some more insight for us. (We also have done a couple different tests, HSG and semen analysis, that never did show any abnormalities.)
I really don't want to keep reliving this! I feel so frustrated with the situation and I am so tired of the extreme let down and emotional roller coaster it all is. I have been pregnant 5 times, FIVE! I am trying to be positive, but statistically the odds are definitely not in our favor. We have less than a 50% chance with future pregnancies being successful. Normal pregnancies are 85-90%. I just don't know how much longer I can do this...

I am so thankful that this time around we have Cohen to ease the pain. It makes me realize how big of a miracle he truly is. He is our greatest blessing!

Our 4th of July!

We started the morning before 6 am (which isn't anything new). We were down in Provo by 6:45 to look at the hot air balloons with Jen, Carter and Dylan!

This probably wasn't the best decision since Jen and I were suppose to start the 5k freedom run at 7 am and the starting line was over a mile and a half away! We didn't plan it out very well and with traffic and other factors we ended up running to the start. We got there just in time and since we had already been running before hand, we didn't have the best beginning. :(
We did have a lot of fun walking, jogging, laughing and running throughout the race and since this was the first race I have ever done like this I was so proud of myself. It took us 42 minutes to finish and Scott, Cohen, Carter and Dylan were there to meet us at the finish line! Next year we want to plan it out better and maybe even cut our time in half! We will see!Mine and Jen's victory celebration!I was so excited to see my boys at the end!Cohen also had a high fever and didn't feel well all day from teething and was a little trooper for mommy!
Thanks Jen for encouraging me to do the 5k with you! I had a blast!Later that night we had dinner at Michelle's and spent time with Scott's parents that were here from California helping Michelle with the new baby. Joe and Scott put on a great firework show for all of us! Cohen thought the colors and bright lights were fun to watch! We had a great 4th!
I love holidays! :)

Thanksgiving Point Farm

We recently took Cohen to the petting zoo! Moo!

Cohen wasn't too impressed with the chicks...but he really liked the goats!Cohen loves his daddy!
Cohen really liked the pony before it started moving, but once it was walking he wanted off!
Ye haw!

Cohen's new cousin!

Baby Jada!

We are really excited that Scott's sister, Michelle finally had her fourth baby girl last week! We thought she might stay in there forever and then she was finally delivered by emergency c-section one day late! Michelle is doing good and Jada is just adorable and seems to be a great baby so far!
Congrats Michelle, Joe, Mia, Zoe and Kya on your new baby!

Weaning and first hair cut!

This last weekend I nursed Cohen for the last time, he is now completely weaned! To my relief it went a lot smoother than I thought it would! It is really bitter sweet because now he is completely his own person. He doesn't need me the way he use to. For the past year I haven't left his side for more than three hours tops (since he never took a bottle). Since I started weaning him I have enjoyed the new freedom with being able to go to dinner with my girlfriends and shopping trips with my mom. It has been good for Scott as well, I think he has enjoyed being able to comfort Cohen when I am not around and this has definitely brought them closer. Cohen just loves his daddy and is so excited when he comes home from work!
Cohen also got his first haircut today! This morning my friend Jen offered to trim it up, this was something I have been wanting to do for a couple months now. He was getting a mean mullet! And it wasn't an ordinary mullet, it was all uneven and just long on the sides and the center was shorter. I was so worried about making it look worse that I hadn't tried it myself. He looks so cute (well it looks messy in the picture above, but it looks cute when it's done!) My baby is growing up so fast! Time for another one, I guess... :)

Oh, so cute!

Most people know I love animals so when we were up the canyon eating the other day and a baby raccoon came walking out of the shrubs toward me I was so thrilled! Then we thought, "Oh, crap! Where is its mother!" We looked cautiously around and never saw her anywhere, unfortunately for the baby. It was still really small, around 8 pounds. You could tell it was hungry and it crept closer and closer so we moved our food to the car and I grabbed my camera! I was making kissing noises and it actually started coming to me! I named him Rocco!How sweet is that! All baby animals are adorable, I think. I was so excited to "play" with this little raccoon. Soon other people noticed that we were looking at something and started gathering around and tried to feed it Frito's, (IDIOTS!) which scared him off. Dang! I wanted to bring him home... Izzy and Lilly could have mothered it!

(Realistically, I know this would never work, but I can pretend! There is this girl who took in a baby coyote! )Best of luck little Rocco! I hope you grow up healthy and strong!