KOTM Parenting Class

We have started taking a three week parenting class through Marsha at Kids On The Move. I have found it extremely helpful and wanted to write down all of the notes from the first class so I can't misplace them. Some of this won't make sense so if anyone has any questions, let me know. Otherwise, this is more for my own records. I will add the rest of my notes as we complete the classes.

Favorite Words: "My Job." "You NEED to Listen." "Excuse Me." "All Done."
(Tone and expression are very important "No..." Straight forward. Not angry or sweet. Keep emotion out of it.)
3x5 List:
*What do you want? Not what you DON'T want. (Children do know what they want. Know what YOU want.) "I want him to sit down." Not-"I don't want him to stand in his chair." Think positives.
*Blocking - Block from front, they agree by backing up. Pull down rather than pushing, they resist.
*Two-Time Rule - Third time, help him do what you ask. They need to touch the object. Take their hand and help them to do it, sit down, lie down, walk, etc on their own so they consent to the choice. (If they are throwing a tantrum on the ground and go limp, make it not so comfortable for them on the ground by placing your foot under them and nudging. They may be more willing to stand up and make the choice on their own.)
*When a child is not listening - no eye contact, no talk (babble), no touch.
*Child Has to AGREE - place hand in yours (High 5) "O.K."
*Respond to the FIRST positive communication. (Or screaming WILL follow.)
*Use the TIMER to make time tangible. The timer is for something good, not a punishment. (Children are very literal. Timing keeps us honest.)
*If you don't want the answer to be "NO," Don't Ask! (Example: "Will you go brush your teeth?" Say, "We need to go brush your teeth.")
*When kids are fighting over a toy, don't become part of the fight. Say, "Let Go." (show no emotion) placing your hand on the toy and letting their hands be the last to touch it. Encourage children to take turns passing the toy back and forth to encourage sharing.
*Use child's name in a positive way. Use noises/words such as "Hey" "Shhht" etc instead of over using their name or they will just end up ignoring when you do say their name.
*If a child ignores you, answer for them. ("Do you want ___?" No answer. "No, ok." If you answered wrong they will let you know and it will teach them to answer for themselves.)
*Get the child into neutral or "yes mode". Give them options and choices for themselves to get them into the mode of saying yes.
*80% positive 20% corrective (teaching)
*If they can't do this WHAT CAN THEY DO? (We can't go outside right now, but we can do a puzzle!)
*If you take something away, REPLACE IT with something else.
*Don't let what they are doing work! (Whining, tantrum, hitting, etc.)
*Empower: You CAN have this, you CAN and that. Instead of "Do You Want...?" (Let them make choices, but narrow it down first to what applies. They can make a choice, verses a decision.)
*Children do NOT like being ACTED UPON. (Example: holding them down to wipe their face or forcing them to eat something.) Say "We NEED to go change you diaper. You're stinky!" Encourage them to make the choice to lay down. Yes mode, Two-time Rule, etc. Have a special toy or song for changing time, etc.
*Consistency is the KEY!
*Preventing is A LOT easier than fixing!

1 Rule: A child is not allowed to hurt themselves, others or destroy things.
~Routine with bedtime is a MUST! No negotiation!
~It's all about RESPECT. Respecting our children and in turn, them respecting us.
~We can not assume they can do anything differently.
~Empower children, (but don't give them the power.)
~If you aren't going to follow threw, don't bother saying it.
~Don't say, "Give it to me!" Because they might "give it to you." (punch)
~It is the way we Present, Respond and/or React. (We want to respond, not react.)
~If you respect their NO, they will respect your No.
~Don't ask them to do something from across the room, like "Come get your diaper changed." Go up to them and get their attention.
~If you are asking them not to do something, (example: don't climb on top of the table) don't make it fun getting down or stopping the behavior.
~Children don't want to be in control, it is too much work.
1. Know what you want.
2. Get them into Yes Mode.
3. First this, then that.
More Notes: Throwing food- have a place for him to put the food he doesn't want.
Diaper changing- set up all the supplies and do it the same each time. Have him come lay down and have a special toy that will keep him busy.
Don't coddle or pamper behavior that we don't want to support. (Example: When Cohen sees me and starts crying, don't comfort him, try to distract him instead and encourage him to focus on something else.)
We WANT COHEN TO FEEL SUCCESS!